


Your Dream

by Yulipho



Series: Pain and Pleasure [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Childhood Memories, Complicated - Freeform, Confessions, Denial of Feelings, Do they love each other? idk, Emotional, Emotional Damage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hashirama POV, Hokage, Hurt, M/M, Madara POV, Mentions of the Sixth Paths, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Regret, Rough Sex, Sadness, Smut, Unrequited Love, kyuubi - Freeform, more complication
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26306770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yulipho/pseuds/Yulipho
Summary: Arc I || Chapters 1-8:Madara missed when Hashirama wasn’t Hokage. When his rival was vulnerable enough to cry in front of him. When they were kids and they raced to the top of the very mountain that the Senju’s face was now sculpted on. Why was he always reminded of his success everywhere he went?Arc II || Chapters 9-?:
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Pain and Pleasure [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911097
Comments: 62
Kudos: 59





	1. Greet me with Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Hashirama’s POV**
> 
> hi this is my second fan fiction... ever— so if you had any feedback or advice i’d love to hear it! seriously ♥️

Hashirama had a hard time going home two weeks ago, thanks to Madara. It was completely rude of him to leave him there without helping clean up. But something was definitely bothering Madara. The other day was the first time he had said it, confirming Hashirama’s speculations. 

_My dream? Hashirama wondered what he meant by that. Ever since their clans were in endless war, a deep conflict gashing between the Senju and Uchiha, they both had wanted nothing more than to build the very village he stood so freely in. Konoha existed! Their dream was no longer just a mere thought, it was now reality._

_Yet for some reason, Madara was rarely around to witness. He travelled often on his “missions”, but Hashirama knew it wasn’t just for the sake of the village. Madara had always wanted to be strong, he craved power. He wanted to do it alone. Without Hashirama. And that left him there, stumbling home after sex with no idea of where the Uchiha could be. It pained his heart._

_He had prayed that no one would call on him, or stop him for a light conversation. It was easier now that the kids would be asleep but adults were no better. Especially if—_

_“Hashirama,” a apathetic voice called out and Hashirama cursed himself for recognizing it. Hopefully he wouldn’t be able to tell, but by now he was pretty sure his brother knew. He was way too sharp._

_He spun around energetically, hiding any signs of doubt or pain._

_“Tobirama!” he bellowed heartily. “How’s my kid brother doing?” Hashirama laughs, getting a kick out of the face his sibling shoots him._

_“We’re not kids anymore. How long do you plan on calling me that?” his brother asks, pinching the skin between his eyes with with a stressed expression. Hashirama slaps him on the arm._

_“For as long as a live,” he joked before falling serious. Other than occasionally checking up on him sometimes, he knew Tobirama’s visits were never in vain. He squared his shoulders and met his eyes. “Is there something you needed to tell me?”_

_“More like give you,” Tobirama says before reaching into his armor and pulling out a scroll. He handed it to Hashirama, watching his brother undo the seal and pull it open. “The Yamanaka are planning on living in this village. They would like to meet up with you before deciding.”_

_Hashirama couldn’t believe it. But before his eyes laid the official Yamanaka seal proudly on display._

_“This is amazing!” He blurted, switching his view between the scroll and his brother simultaneously.  
_

He had thought. As Hashirama now laid in his bed two weeks later, staring at the moon. It would be amazing. But where was Madara? He wanted nothing more than for the Uchiha to attend with him. For him to see how their dream was blossoming into something even bigger than they had imagined as kids. For him to be content and stay in the village with Hashirama... He needed him here.

The was a sharp rapping on Hashirama’s door, interrupting his thoughts. He knew it was Madara. The Senju slipped out of bed and headed towards the door, opening it.

In the next instant, a firm hand seized his wrist, gripping as if he was going to fall through his hand. 

“Come with me.” Madara demanded, Mangekyō sharingan red and blaring, piercing deep into Hashirama’s eyes. The Senju knew there was no point in struggling or asking questions. Madara tugged him out of his house and closed the door behind them before pulling Hashirama along.

“Madara!” Hashirama shouted. There was no response. He came to terms that Madara wouldn’t speak to him until they arrived at where he wanted them to go. They were nearing the Uchiha settlement.

 _Where is Madara taking me?_ That was the only thought that constantly ran through his mind.

They stopped suddenly, Hashirama’s body jerking to a halt.

“Madara?”

Still no response. The Uchiha felt the ground before popping open an underground hatch, one that Hashirama was unaware of. Madara took out a small torch before lighting it with Fire Style and finally turned to face him. 

“Follow me.” he said before walking down the steps, pace never faltering. Hashirama hesitantly followed. He wondered if his friend had finally lost it. 

The torch that Madara held illuminated a stone tablet in front of them. Hashirama squinted. It was all in a foreign language he couldn’t understand. He looked at his friend.

“What is this?” he asked, gaze switching between the tablet and the Uchiha.

“The Uchiha stone tablet. It holds all the secrets behind this cursed sharingan and how to obtain it. There’s also another message...” he trailed off.

“Wait— Madara,” Hashirama faces the man and grabs his collar. “I haven’t seen you in two weeks! And the last time we saw each other you left me alone in the office to—“

“Not now, Hashirama.” Madara sighed and closed his eyes, pushing the Senju off lightly. Hashirama slumped, moody once again. His friend looked back at the stone tablet. “I can read more now with my Mangekyō sharingan.” He paused to look back at Hashirama.

“What does it say?” he asked curiously, and apparently to Madara’s pleasure because he began to read without skipping a beat.

 _“Seeking stability, one god was divided into yin and yang, these opposing two acting together obtain all things in creation...”_ He stopped suddenly, indicating that was all he could decipher. Hashirama’s eyes widened. 

“The Six Paths?” Hashirama looked at the floor, thinking hard. “Then yin and yang must mean...”

“The Senju and Uchiha,” Madara said, finishing his sentence.

“Why are you showing me this?” 

“Because...” the Uchiha paused. “I want to know everything this tablet says. I want to uncover the secret that the Six Paths left behind.”

Hashirama knew what he meant. That means he would be seeking more power... That he would be walking away from his friend once again, all alone. The bottled anger from being cast aside all the time was finally rising to the top, and the Senju snapped. 

“Why can’t you just be happy with everyone here?” He interrogated stressfully. “Why do you find more comfort in solitude? You don’t have to be alone, Madara!” Hashirama’s hands ran through his hair, a tic he had picked up when he was uncomfortable.

“Hashirama.” Madara said sternly. “I don’t need anyone. Maybe back then, I did. Before all of my family was mercilessly slaughtered. But I realize now I don’t need anyone to become stronger. Not even you, dear Senju.” His words stabbed like knives.

It was always about their clans. Hashirama never saw Madara any different from he, but it was obvious the feeling was not mutual. Impulsively, his hands clasped together, Wood Style grasping Madara and pinning him against the wall in the cramped space.

Madara looked surprised for a fraction of a second before his face flickered to pure amusement. He cackled, his laugh echoing throughout.

“What do you plan on doing?” He seemed to be getting a kick out of his situation. “Going to kill me now, are you?”

“No,” Hashirama said without hesitation. Though he didn’t even know what he wanted, either. He had acted without thinking, which was rare for the shinobi to do. “I wouldn’t kill you because I don’t want you to leave me. I want you to stand by me.”

Madara’s face was twisted in a sinister smile. “Stand by you?” He paused as if he was considering it. “In this dream of yours?”

“Why do you keep saying that? This is our dream, don’t you remember? Konoha is our reality.” The Senju’s fists clenched by his side.

“No Hashirama. This is not my dream anymore. I have no purpose here, lying in wait. I feel no need to pretend anymore. These eyes granted to me... are my purpose.”

Hashirama stared at his friend. With the time that passed, it was getting harder and harder for him to recognize Madara.

“If you were going to fuck me, do it now,” The Uchiha said after a few moments of silence. “If not, let me go. You’re not going to change my mind.”

He didn’t want to, not right now. The Senju swallowed hard. Maybe Madara wouldn’t want to leave if he found his home in Hashirama.

“Come here,” His friend ordered when Hashirama did not reply. His red eyes watched intently as the Senju neared. They stood inches apart from each other.

Almost as if Hashirama could read Madara’s mind, he leaned in to kiss him. There was barely any contact considering Madara was still bound by the wood. 

The Uchiha’s tongue begged for an entrance and he bit down on Hashirama’s lip when he did not get it. Hashirama opened his mouth obediently, letting the muscle explore his mouth. He savored the taste. It was so comforting to him when he was able to have the parts of Madara no one else could.

Suddenly Madara pulled away. “Do it, Hashirama.” His eyes trailed down his clothes expectantly. Hashirama wasted no time undressing himself. The Wood style weakened, allowing for Madara to slip out and remove his clothes as well.

Once they were both fully naked, the wood seized the Uchiha once more.

“Again with this, Senju?” he asked unamused.

“We still haven’t addressed when you left me in my office,” Hashirama replies.

“...Touché.”

Hashirama’s tan hands ran across the smooth pale skin that was Madara’s. Scars laid crisscrossed and gashing throughout his body, yet it did not repulse the Senju. He carefully avoided the area around his groin. He looked up at his friend, taking in the sight before him. 

The beautiful Uchiha was pinned to the wall, arms and legs bound and spread apart. His dark blue hair contrasted nicely with his skin and looked even better in the harsh torch light. His sharingan, still activated, staring down at him and recording everything.

One of Hashirama’s hands travelled up to Madara’s mouth, where he took them in and sucked. His other travelled gracefully to Madara’s semi-hard member and stroked it sensually. 

“I don’t want to let you go.”

Madara pulled off his fingers. “Good.”

“Then why won’t you live in the village?” The slick fingers travelled down and probed at his entrance.

“You have your dream. Let me have mine.”

Hashirama pushes in two fingers at a time and the Uchiha grunted. He works them slowly, loosening the muscles.

“No I don’t,” he says quietly. “My dream is with you, Madara.”

His laugh is another slap to the face. “You’re as dense as ever, Hashirama.”

The Hokage doesn’t reply. He just shoves in his third finger. Another grunt. 

Once Madara isn’t unbearably tight anymore, he pulls his fingers out. He rests his hands on his friend’s hips and pushes in slowly.

“M-Madara,” Hashirama sputters as he pushes in as deep as he could go.

“Move,” he commanded, and the Senju followed obediently. He thrusted in and out, picking up a steady pace. He noted that Madara’s eyes did not leave his face, staring down at him as if he was trying to figure something out.

The Uchiha was so warm, despite his cold personality. Hashirama felt as if he was going to burn up.

“Harder, Senju,” Madara seemed unfazed. He wasn’t shaking the way he had Hashirama whenever he fucked him. The tanned man grasped harder on his waist and pushed in with much more force.

Madara’s face twisted with pleasure. He glared down at Hashirama with his glowing eyes, facial expression more sinister by the moment. 

“Yes...” he rasped. “Hold me tight and make me forget. Try to make me forget the death of my brothers... The death of your brothers. Make me forget where your body ends and mines begins.”

Hashirama was surprised with how vocal he was. Usually he said nothing more than a few words during sex. But that wasn’t going to stop him from complying. As the wood slipped away completely, Hashirama gripped under the Uchiha’s thighs and held him up with his own strength. Pale arms wrapped around his neck, holding on dearly. 

Hashirama continued to fuck him hard, and _oh._ He heard his voice. Madara’s beautiful moans of satisfaction, those that he often kept locked inside of him. He felt as if he wasn’t supposed to hear them; as if they were too sacred for the Senju.

Suddenly, Hashirama was kissed. It was rough and hungry, more intense by the second. They both wanted more and more of each other as time passed by. Like the wax of Icarus’ wings slowly melting.

Suddenly his friends eyes snapped open and his mouth remained in a silent gasp, smiling down amused at Hashirama. He felt Madara come onto his stomach and was reminded of how close he was to the edge. Quickly he pulled out because Hashirama knew the Uchiha would kill him in cold blood if he were to ever come inside. He shot his load as well, knees becoming weak. They collapsed, propped awkwardly against the wall.

Sweaty and breathless, the Senju and Uchiha stared at each other. His friend scanned his features, eyes leaving burning sensations on his skin where his gaze fell. 

“Why am I not surprised.” Madara laughed as Hashirama stared at him in confusion. “You failed, Senju. Seeing you makes me so angry.”

He felt Madara’s hand grip his chin, nails digging slightly into Hashirama’s cheeks. “You’re everything I want but can’t have. I can’t be in your dream or it will drag us both into disparity.”

The sudden release of his face made the Senju drop close to the floor, catching himself before collision. He watched his friend clean up and get dressed, feeling too empty to begin protest. 

“You’re not going to bombard me with questions?” Madara asked expectantly.

Hashirama hesitated. He stared down at the floor. “Why must you always greet me with goodbye?”

Madara stared at the unmoving figure that was Hashirama.

“I’ve gotten too close.” He sighed. “Way too close. So don’t long for me, Hashirama, when I’m gone. But be ready for me when I come back.”

“Leaving me alone once again, huh?” Hashirama chucked, but there was nothing he found funny. “I should have known.”

Madara did not reply, his expression unreadable in the bright torch light. 

“You are the light of the village. The sun of these dark ages. These people need you to be there for them. Remember that you are not alone when I’m gone.”

“Without the sun, the moon grows dark,” Hashirama’s fists clenched tightly.

“And everything burns up when it’s too close to the sun.”

Hashirama cursed the common sight that was Madara’s back, walking away from him. His heart ached terribly.


	2. Show me how

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“You never listen to me Madara,” he sighed. “Then you demand sex from me and leave. You never stay— not even for the night. And then I stare at your back once again.”_
> 
> _Why was this so complicated for Hashirama? Why was he making it more complex than what is was? Trying to guilt trip the Uchiha wasn’t going to work, it only made him angrier._
> 
> _“It seems you miscalculated on your part...”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madara’s POV

Madara was nearing Konoha once again. By now, the village was used to him moving in and out as he pleased and was no longer alarmed by his sudden visits. He cursed himself for coming back more often than he should. In reality, he only was supposed to come back occasionally to check up on the stone tablet, but something else...

Hashirama. Damn fool. The Uchiha had a hard time forgetting the way he looked at him; like he needed him. And his last visit resulted in an expression Madara had never seen before... 

As if Hashirama had given up on him.

He couldn’t tell why it stirred him up so much. He wanted to be alone, he wanted to continue the will of the Sixth Paths. He didn’t get why Hashirama had so much hope for him, an Uchiha of all people. Had he forgotten his place? Or was this pesky dream of his finally getting to his head?

Madara needed rest. It was well over midnight, so he would continue his travel to the village tomorrow. He found a secluded area and sat down, trying so hard to sleep so he could get some peace of mind. To stop thinking of his rival.

_Madara ran through the forest as if his life depended on it. He was eager to get somewhere? He couldn’t tell._

_The Uchiha finally got past the dense trees to find a clearing for a river. Proudly he grabbed a rock out of his robe and waited. It wasn’t long before he realized what he was so eager to see._

_Hashirama emerged from the trees on the other side of the river. They seemed to be around 13 again._

_“Hey!” he shouted. “Long time no see!”_

_Madara could agree. “Let’s exchange rocks as a greeting!” he yelled back. His friend nodded._

_After a moment of silence, they both skipped the smooth stones that they had carried. The Uchiha caught Hashirama’s rock with ease. Madara’s rock failed to make it to the other side, falling slowly into the rushing water. His friend looked disappointed._

_Averting his eyes, he studied the smooth rock to find writing there. Madara read it, his eyes widening at the sight. He looked back up at Hashirama, but he was already jumping into the rushing water in search for the Uchiha’s rock._

_“Wait!” his past self called out. It was too late. Hashirama had dived under to probably get swept away by the current. There was no way he could save him now._

_He looked back at the rock, staring at the carvings._

_‘When did you forsake yourself?’_

Madara’s eyes snapped open. This peculiar recurring dream was starting to get on his nerves. Yet, this was the first time he was able to read what was on the stone. He wondered what it meant.

The Uchiha sighed, standing up steadily. Sleep did not improve his mindset as he thought it would. He slowly made his way to Konoha, taking his time to clear his thoughts. 

He passed through the gates, guards letting him in easily. The village looked different, as if another clan was being constructed into it. Madara wasn’t sure how he should feel about this. The sudden shock of life moving on felt strange in his chest. And Hashirama has never mentioned anything to him about it. The Uchiha concluded he would pay him a visit.

Madara was driven by emotion, making his way to the Hokage’s office. He wasn’t even sure why he was angry; he wanted Hashirama to move on without him and continue his dream. Why did it not sit right with him?

He was stopped dead in his tracks by a Senju, but not the one he wanted to see. His gaze narrowed. 

“Tobirama,” he greeted in a not-so-polite voice. “Move.”

“Greetings Madara,” Tobirama replied unfazed. “What brings you here? I’m sure Hashirama isn’t expecting you until next year.” he joked, but with the lack of humor in his voice, the Senju came off as an asshole.

Madara tried to keep his composure in front of the man before him. He had no place to talk to him as the shinobi who killed his brother.

“I’m not in the mood for your jokes,” Madara threatened through his teeth. He watched Tobirama’s eyebrows twitch.

“I was joking?”

That was enough for the Uchiha to forcefully push past him. He would deal with him later. He just wanted to see Hashirama. He _needed_ to see Hashirama. 

He burst through the doors and to his dismay, Hashirama didn’t look up at him as he continued to do paperwork. The Senju was unbothered, stamping his seal of approval on papers after reading them briefly.

“Hashirama!” Madara called out angrily. The Senju looked at him with a confused expression, then continued to stamp his papers.

“There’s no need to yell, Madara.” he sighed. The Uchiha couldn’t help but wonder why he seemed so cold.

“Brushing me off now?” he queried, stepping towards his desk. The steady pace of stamping began to tick him off more and more. Everything to do with Hashirama rubbed him the wrong way. He was deep in his territory.

“I’m not brushing you off, I have work,” the Senju replied collectively.

“Ah. Putting Hokage over your friend again, I see,”

“Everyone in the village depends on me as their leader. I have to provide for them. It’s something _consistent_ I have in my life.”

Hashirama was taking shots at him. Madara glared at his rival, his blood boiling. His fist slammed on the Hokage’s desk. That earned a stern look.

“Madara!” He shouted. He looked angry or slightly disappointed. The Uchiha didn’t care about how the Senju was feeling right now, he was too blinded by his own emotions.

“This is why you became Hokage wasn’t it? It’s all to feed your pride as a Senju and your delusional savior complex. The Uchiha never needed your stupid ideals, and now you have other clans wrapped around your fingers as well? Is that what makes you think you’re so much better than me?” the Uchiha spat, one word after another. Madara said too much; he had been unable to stop once he had started.

“I don’t!” He said firmly, hands pushing down on the desk to bring himself up and stare directly into the Uchiha’s gaze. Hashirama could be harsh when he wanted to be and as much as Madara wouldn’t admit it, it took him by surprise.

Suddenly the doors opened once again. Madara’s head snapped back to see who it was. Tobirama leaned against the doorframe.

“Brother,” He eyed the Uchiha before returning his gaze to Hashirama. “Is he bothering you?”

“N-no..” Hashirama smiled before sitting back down again in his chair. He looked embarrassed. He ran a hand throughout his hair, indicating that he was probably nervous. “You don’t need to worry.”

Madara kept his silence, his gaze returning to Hashirama. The Uchiha’s eyes glued to his face. “I was just leaving. Continue your business if you have any.”

Oh how he savored they way Hashirama looked up at him. As if he didn’t want him to leave. The man so independent and respected still longed for Madara more than anything else, and that was enough to assure the Uchiha.

He turned and walked out, bumping shoulders harshly with the Senju at the door because he couldn’t be bothered to go around him. He wasn’t going to move for scum.

He had been right about a lot of things, and now he knew for certain that he and Hashirama could never be able to share this dream of his. Madara was also right about the fact that he had to be alone. There was no way he could stay here without becoming a threat to village. Even if he left, he would be counted a threat anyway. It seemed as if deserting Konoha was inevitable. Yet...

The only thing keeping him here was the blinding rays from the sun. He couldn’t get enough of it. He admired how his light reflected off of him. He liked to think that Hashirama could change the Uchiha into a better person–– that he could depend on such light for forever. 

But the moon was shifting in position. It was nearing the darker phases, where he could only hope for the Senju’s light but watched it slip through his fingers. Where the only way he could get enough of him was to be close as they can get, skin overlapping each other. 

And then the sun would burn him. He asked for the impossible. He expected so much from him. Hashirama demanded that the scars heal right away. Yet Madara was not able to let go— he couldn’t let go of the past. He wasn’t able to keep up with the present. He could only hope for the future.

And hope for the future he did. The Uchiha snuck into the Senju’s house through a window.

He had way too much on his mind. He needed a release. And as much as Hashirama was good at stressing him out, he was even better at taking the pain away. 

Madara felt himself longing for his smile. He longed for his strong body that looked both great under or above him. He longed for the eyes that begged silently for more time. He longed for his long, even hair that stopped past his shoulder blades.

What did he want from him? And why did he feel this way? Maybe the sex had gotten to the Uchiha’s brain and he had become an addict. But he craved more than that. He didn’t want to stay in this blasted village, yet he wanted Hashirama with him. If only he would come along with Madara, but he took his duty as Hokage way too seriously. And from another standpoint, if Tobirama were to become Hokage, that would be it for the Uchiha clan.

The sound of Hashirama coming home stopped his train of thought. He had anticipated his arrival, but now he felt an indescribable feeling in his gut. 

The Senju was completely appalled by seeing him in his house. 

“M-Madara...” his voice trailed off. Madara felt himself smirk.

“What? Are you that surprised to see me?” The Uchiha asked smugly.

His rival just shut the door behind him, unable to think, clearly.

“How did you get in?” He asked.

“The window.”

“Why are you here?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“But in my office—“

“Sometimes I wonder about you, Hashirama. Do you ever stop asking questions?” Madara narrowed his eyes at the man before him.

He stood up from before the coffee table and walked in front of Hashirama, hearing his breath audibly falter. Somehow, he enjoyed the nervousness from the Senju. He was like his prey.

“I need to get something off my mind,” Madara said shamelessly.

“Something off your mind?” His rival asked, trying to pry for information. But Madara wasn’t going to tell him any more than that.

“Yes. Come Hashirama.” He watched the Senju hesitate as if he was thinking it over. Madara couldn’t believe he was actually considering. “I don’t have all day,” he added impatiently.

“Is this all you want?” Hashirama asked in a tone unusual for him. Madara stared back blankly, not able to respond. Was this all he wanted? He couldn’t tell. 

“You never listen to me Madara,” he sighed. “Then you demand sex from me and leave. You never stay— not even for the night. And then I stare at your back once again.”

Why was this so complicated for Hashirama? Why was he making it more complex than what is was? Trying to guilt trip the Uchiha wasn’t going to work, it only made him angrier.

“It seems you miscalculated on your part. You’re making something out of nothing, Hashirama. I expect better from you,” Madara dismissed coldly. 

“I miscalculated? For holding you dear to my heart? For not knowing how to react after intense intimacy to being cast aside once again? I always wait for you to return, Madara, but I want you to _stay_.”

Both of the Uchiha’s hands slammed to the door on either side of Hashirama’s head, trapping him. The Senju didn’t flinch, he just stared fiercely into Madara’s eyes.

“Don’t you understand I have no intention of staying? Are you suffering from dementia, Senju?” Madara spat, running out of patience.

Hashirama locked his arm over Madara’s shoulder and used his other to wrap firmly around his rib cage. His right foot hooked behind the Uchiha’s left and pulled, making him lose his balance and fall back. 

Madara crashed into the floor, glaring hatefully at his rival on top of him. 

“When did you grow to be so cold? When did you forsake yourself?” The Senju asked desperately, eyes scanning over Madara’s face frantically as if he was searching for an answer.

_When did you forsake yourself?_

Madara’s sharingan spun into motion, eyes darting back and forth looking for an opening. It took less than a second to switch positions with Hashirama, rolling him over skillfully.

He kept his hands busy by pinning down his shoulders. They twitched with the desire to kill. He stared down at the Senju, breathing harshly. His hair fell downwards, tickling his rival’s face.

He searched his face for any fear, any sign that the Uchiha had won. But his rival only stared back with determination. Why was he still hoping for such childish things? He really couldn’t begin to understand him.

“Fine.” The Uchiha’s breathed out, finally caving in. “Would staying the night satisfy you, Lord Hokage?”

Hashirama’s face flickered with distaste. Madara knew his rival hated being called Hokage by him, which made it more gratifying. The Senju sighed.

“It would be a great start.”

That night, when Madara fucks him, he wants to see Hashirama’s face. He wants to record every emotion and play it back. He wants to hear every sound he makes and wonder what this all is doing for him. He wants to understand why sex is so special.

Madara wants to feel him. To pull his hair. To taste and bite his skin. To leave scratches on his body. To move inside of him and hope they were as close as they could possibly be. So he could know what his rival was thinking a second before he figured out himself.

And maybe Madara could finally let go for a moment.

To his dismay, it never lasts longer than an instant. As he lies in bed with his rival, he remembers how the Senju’s brothers fought his— how their fathers fought each other. The unspoken stigma that still remained between their clans. It wasn’t something you could gloss over and hope that the pain would disappear. Sometimes, he wondered if Hashirama felt any pain at all from the past.

Suddenly his arm wraps around Hashirama to bring the Senju’s back close to his chest. He’s too exhausted to respond with anything more than a sleepy grunt. Madara feels himself soften.

_Is this what Hashirama wants to protect?_

He couldn’t tell. He wasn’t even sure what he was feeling. After his rough past, anger seemed to be the only emotion he could recognize. He felt too numb for the Senju. Madara knew it broke him, aware that the Uchiha didn’t feel the same way that he did.

If he didn’t know any better, he would even say that Hashirama might love him.


	3. Carry on

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Hashirama.”_
> 
> _“Hmm?” the Hokage answered as he sat back up again._  
> 
> 
> _“If we were to battle, how do you predict that would end?” His friend was staring into the river._
> 
> _Hashirama took his time considering it. He should deny it would never happen. But something inside of him felt it was possible, as much as he would never admit it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama’s POV

Hashirama was supposed to be doing work but he couldn’t think. He had been carrying the weight of his last encounter with Madara for the past month. He felt his friend getting darker and darker and there was nothing he could do to change it. 

For a split second, he thought Madara was going to kill him. He remembered how his sharingan burned holes into his skin. The fiercest of bloodlust on the Uchiha’s face.

And then he had given in. It surprised even Hashirama, knowing how cold his friend was. He slightly remembered a warm embrace they shared; but this was Madara. He probably had dreamt it all. It pained the Senju to feel so delusional.

He was so trapped in his thoughts he hadn’t even notice Tobirama come in or call his name the first two times.

“Hashirama!” he barked causing his older brother to jump slightly.

Hashirama’s head snapped up, staring frightened at his brother. Realizing it was only Tobi, he eased a smile onto his face. Spontaneously, he started laughing.

It felt good to laugh. Hashirama hadn’t laughed genuinely in a few weeks, which was completely off character for him. Maybe his brother had noticed, because a small lopsided smile found its way on the usually serious Senju.

“Hashirama. Get a drink with me,” He said after a moments time. He walked up to the Hokage’s desk.

Hashirama’s laugh had faded, but he was still smiling widely. “Oh, I don’t know about that..” he said trailing off.

“I didn’t ask, I think you need it. Take a break for today.”

God, it felt as if his younger brother was scolding him. Still, the fact that he looked out for Hashirama so much warmed his heart. The older Senju smiled softly, ignoring Tobirama’s nagging.

“Okay, okay,” he complied, standing up. He let out an exaggerated sigh. “What’s the village to think, seeing their Hokage ditch work early to get a drink?” 

“That you are a man with his own problems to deal with,” his brother answered impatiently. “Now come on.”

Hashirama could even say that Tobirama needed this drink as much as he did. They left the building, stepping out into the golden sunlight. The setting sun had painted furious shades of red and pink into the sky.

They walked through the village and Hashirama noticed little he went outside nowadays. The place was way more crowded than he remembered, Yamanaka and Nara clans already situated in their residences. 

They walked into the open bar, pushing the draped cloth aside to sit at a booth. 

“What’s been bothering you, Hashirama.” Tobirama wasted no time. Typical of him.

The older brother was caught off guard. “Haha! Nothing at all. I’ve just been tired,” he lied, knowing that the other Senju was sharp enough to see through him.

Tobirama glared at him. “You haven’t been normal ever since Madara’s last visit.”

Hashirama didn’t want to comment on that. He waved over a hostess for some saké. It was going to be a long night.

“Have you brought me here to interrogate me?” Hashirama joked as a woman set down a saké set for the two men. The older senju poured his drink first.

“No, I haven’t. I brought you here so I could tell you to let go of Madara. Carry on Hashirama, before you realize too late that he’ll be the end of you.” Tobirama poured a drink into his small cup and tilted his head back, drinking it all.

“You don’t even know for sure if that’s what is bothering me,” Hashirama said taking a sip of his beverage. The two brothers eyed each other, gazes narrowing. It seemed as if they had come to a mutual agreement; that Madara was exactly what had been bothering Hashirama.

“You can’t hide anything from me, brother,” Tobirama said coldly. “As Hokage, you shouldn’t be sleeping with a nomad nin. Nor should you be trying so hard to change him. He’s dangerous, and overall, he’s an Uchiha. Have you lost your mind?”

Hashirama set down his saké cup a bit more forcefully than he should have. “What does clans have to do anything with this?” The Senju became defensive.

“You know this. They can’t be trusted. Especially not someone as strong as Madara. If he hadn’t decided for you to live on a whim, he would have let you take your life.”

“You killed his brother!” the eldest brother exclaimed. He ran a hand through his hair, collecting himself. Tobirama couldn’t be serious right now... could he? He poured more saké into his cup.

“And he would’ve done the same, if I wasn’t quicker. The Uchiha are sinister by nature, cursed by those eyes of theirs.”

The eldest brother downed the saké. Hashirama didn’t want to come to terms with the small part of him that agreed. He remembered how Madara’s eyes had sparked fear into him when they visited the stone tablet. Or how red the Uchiha’s eyes were as he stared down at him with clear intent to kill. His friend’s hands had trembled with excitement, with the need for blood...

“No.” Hashirama says finally. “That’s not true. When shinobi show each other their guts, they come to an understanding. And you’ve showed me yours.”

He stood up and left. He didn’t want to look back and see Tobirama’s face because he would feel more guilty than he already was. His brother was right. Hashirama had to let go of Madara, but the Senju was too stubborn to do so. He felt the intense need to help others even when they didn’t want to help themselves. Even if it was taking a toll on his own mental health.

Hashirama had showered and was now trying to sleep. By now, the sun had set completely. The sky was dark and the moon was at its highest.

He had decided to take an evening stroll. 

The Senju had felt his presence earlier but was trying to ignore it. His chakra was too familiar but at the same time, very strange. Hashirama was outside of the village’s gates, sitting by the river they always hung out at as kids. Youthful and full of hope.

“Must I start the conversation, Senju?” Madara mused. Hashirama heard his footsteps directly behind him.

“There’s not much to talk about,” the Hokage sighed, slumping. Madara sat down next to him. Suddenly, He felt the Uchiha’s elbow jab hard into his ribs. Hashirama gawked, holding his side.

“Don’t get depressed on me,” his friend said simply. Hashirama’s neck snapped, looking at him in pain. 

“Don’t say that after you just elbowed me in the ribs!” Hashirama felt the utmost disrespected. A dead silence filled the air between them. 

And then Madara laughed. He laughed hard, actually. Way harder than he should have, in Hashirama’s opinion. But something about his close friend laughing gave him the all the energy he needed this past month. Hashirama joined in too, their joy echoing throughout the forest. 

The Senju got him back while his guard was down, a skillfully quick and forceful jab at Madara’s ribs. He heard Madara grunt, holding his side. Hashirama’s laugh only increased in volume, finding this whole thing hilarious.

Madara was not as amused, through. He grabbed Hashirama’s wrists and pinned him down, arms above the Senju’s head. 

For some reason, Hashirama’s mind flashed the chilling memory of Madara’s bloodlust and his laugh came to a sudden halt.

_He was going to kill him. He was—_

When the Senju’s eyes snapped back open, he saw the puzzled expression that was Madara’s. A sinister smile spread across his lips.

“I could say you looked frightened for a second, Senju,” he said cracking a joke—not knowing there was more truth to it than he thought there was.

“Surely you jest...” Hashirama smiled, a bead of sweat rolling down his temple to disappear into his hair. The Uchiha didn’t seem to buy it. He backed off of the Senju.

“Hashirama.”

“Hmm?” the Hokage answered as he sat back up again.

“If we were to battle, how do you predict that would end?” His friend was staring into the river.

Hashirama took his time considering it. He should deny it would never happen. But something inside of him felt it was possible, as much as he would never admit it. The way the Uchiha kept seeping into darkness, it could very much be reality. He would fight his best friend to keep him from becoming evil, even if Hashirama were to die.

“One of us would meet our demise,” he said grimly. “Knowing you, it would probably be me wouldn’t it?” Hashirama joked with a smile on his face. Madara didn’t find it funny, though.

The Uchiha didn’t answer right away. He just stood up and looked along the river bank until he found a rock that he liked. He carefully picked up the stone, examining it.

“Would you hold back? Could you be prepared to kill me?” His hand gripped the rock tightly. With precision and perfect form, he wound his arm and struck the rock with as much force as he could muster. The flat stone quickly skipped across the river, disappearing somewhere within the trees on the other side.

Hashirama couldn’t tell. He’d probably still adore Madara with his hands around his neck. Or he did, last time he remembered. Everything could change. It all depended on the Uchiha.

“I don’t think I could.” Hashirama sighed. However, he didn’t think that was the right answer, because Madara’s face blared with anger. He watched his friend take a squat in front of him.

“You don’t think you could?” the Uchiha relayed. Hashirama stares back into his eyes, not understanding why it was a big deal for him. “What if I were to hurt you?”

The Senju was about to answer. He was going to tell him that he wasn’t able to tell. He thought that it wasn’t possible for him to be ready to kill his childhood friend.

But that’s when a kunai had stabbed into his abdomen. He looked down at the knife in disbelief. Pain blurred his vision. His eyes trailed shakily back up at Madara’s face, who didn’t seem to care.

“W-Why?” Hashirama asked in betrayal. The knife was pulled out in an instant. The Uchiha has purposely missed anywhere vital.

“I wanted to see if I could change your mind, Hashirama.” His friend’s hand travelled to where he had previously stabbed him. “You’re too naive, you try so hard not to see the worst in people.”

Madara’s fingers pushed into the stab wound. Hashirama gagged with pain. It was getting hard to focus on the Uchiha right in front of him. He couldn’t heal himself while Madara’s fingers pierced his body.

“If we were to battle, I would not hold back, dear Senju. I would be prepared to kill you, and I hope you could match my energy.” He curled his fingers and Hashirama coughed, feeling paralyzed by shock. “I want to see you at your fullest.”

His fingers suddenly pulled out and his hand cradled Hashirama’s face. Madara let his hand trail down his cheek, blood smearing over the Senju’s neck.

“Forgive me Hashirama.”

All the Senju could do was stare. His hip was warm with fresh blood. His friend had stabbed him.

He thought of Tobirama’s words earlier to him:

_”Carry on Hashirama, before you realize too late that he’ll be the end of you.”_

He stared into Madara’s dark, unmoving eyes.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my, i really can’t tell where this story is going anymore,,, who knows? ;)
> 
> tysm for reading!


	4. Lo Que Siento

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Madara missed when Hashirama wasn’t Hokage. When his rival was vulnerable enough to cry in front of him. When they were kids and they raced to the top of the very mountain that the Senju’s face was now sculpted on. Why was he always reminded of his success everywhere he went?_  
>    
> _That’s why Madara craved power. Hashirama was better than him in every thing he did, effortlessly. He wanted to prove that he was stronger than the all powerful Hokage. He was just then reminded of why he was passing the village._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning! some sudden smut ahead ;)
> 
> Madara’s POV

“Forgive me, Hashirama,” Madara asked selfishly. His rival didn’t seem to react, he just stared back at him blankly. 

Usually, the Uchiha could tell what he was thinking, since Hashirama was so expressive. But now he couldn’t, trying hard to decipher the Senju.

“Okay.”

Madara’s eyes found its way to the his rival’s stab wound. It was making him feel more guilty the longer he stared at it. How would the Uchiha feel if he were to kill Hashirama? He came to the conclusion that if they were to fight to the death, he would be filled with too much hate to care. He found comfort in that. It was easier than brooding over a dead friend.

“Hurry up and heal yourself, Senju,” Madara commanded, trying to make himself feel better. It seemed as if the Senju had snapped back into reality with how quickly he began healing himself. The Uchiha stared at his rival’s concentrating face, blood still painted on his cheek as it trailed down to his neck.

Carefully, the Uchiha pushed Hashirama down onto the soft grass. He stared down at him, waiting for a response. Hashirama nodded, giving him the go ahead.

He took off Hashirama’s haori, the Senju lifting his body onto his elbows to help him. Next, he undid his robes and pulled them open. He looked back up at Hashirama’s expressionless face. It bothered him. Madara slid down his rival’s underwear and grasped at the hardening member.

Swallowing his pride, he lowered his head and kissed the tip. He kept eye contact with Hashirama, watching his eyes go wide. The Uchiha would never understand what anyone could get out of this, oral sex repulsed him. But here he was, taking the Senju’s dick into his mouth.

He felt Hashirama’s tender hand find its way into his hair. Madara wanted to slap it away, but he was concentrating. He bobbed his head, ego being fed by his rival’s breathy moans. 

Hashirama had accidentally bucked into the Uchiha’s mouth, almost making him choke. Unforgiving hands pinned down the Senju’s hips as he continued to suck. He glared up at his friend as a silent warning.

Glad that the Senju has softened up a bit, he pulled his head off. The Uchiha had wiped his chin, cursing himself to never do that again. He adverted his focus to Hashirama’s chest, where he ran his hands over the broadness of it. He couldn’t deny that his rival was good looking. His browned skin and deep eyes, paired with his dark hair. Hashirama was also in good shape. With the way he stayed in the office, Madara was glad he hadn’t lost it.

Madara pushed down his own pants taking his semi-hard into his hand. He looked at Hashirama’s body while he jerked off, not daring to look up at his face. It didn’t take long until he was rock hard, as if he had been waiting for this. Maybe he had been. Taking the Senju was one of few things that gave him pleasure.

This time, the Uchiha had came prepared. He reached for the pouch that hoisted around his thigh and took it off. He opened it, finding the small bottle of lube he had brought. He poured it over his length and coated his fingers as well. Two at a time, he pushed them into Hashirama’s ass.

A small whine came from the man before him. Madara felt himself sneer; he wanted to hear more. Before he was even sure he could handle it, he thrusted in a third finger. A strangled shout came from the Senju. Sadistically, his fingers moved harshly inside of Hashirama with an unforgiving pace.

Madara had watched his rival’s head drop and his eyes flutter shut. The Uchiha grabbed his face to force the Senju to look up at him. He scanned his rival’s expression the way he would decoding a message. He waiting for something.

Suddenly Hashirama moaned loudly as Madara had thrusted into his prostate. The dark haired raven’s movements came to a halt as he pulled his fingers out. His tongue ran over the top row of his teeth and he pushed his rival flat onto his back. 

He grabbed one of the Senju’s legs and held it up, pushing on the back of Hashirama’s knee. The tanned man instinctively lifted his hips for Madara. The Uchiha thrusted inside without any regards for being slow. 

Unlike Hashirama, Madara was not tender nor patient. He slammed in and out relentlessly, void of hesitation, while he enjoyed the gasps and groans from his rival. It blew his mind how not even twenty minutes earlier he had stabbed him and now the Uchiha was fucking him into the ground. Seriously, the Senju was a push over; but he liked that about him.

He let the Senju’s leg fall over his shoulder as both of his hands held onto his hips. Hashirama was so warm he thought he might overheat. His nails sunk into his rival’s hips, a habit Madara had that left tiny scars into the skin.

“Hashirama...” he called out. The Uchiha could never get enough of him. For the first time since his late family, someone needed him. He almost felt like he was no longer a burden to this world.

His grip tightened on his rival’s hips. Madara’s movements had slowed, due to his lack of concentration. He picked up his pace. Once again, he felt as if they were as close as they could be.

“Hashirama,” the Uchiha let slip out and ignored when his rival answered. He wasn’t asking for anything. He just held Hashirama’s hips further up and thrusted rough into his prostate. Madara felt the Senju’s body shake.

“I’m close—“ Hashirama said through his teeth, voice strangled. Madara held onto his rival so tight he was drawing blood.

“Don’t hold back.”

He didn’t know when either of them had climaxed. The next thing he knew, the Uchiha found himself laying on Hashirama’s broad chest. Madara pried himself off of him, their sweaty skin not wanting to separate. He backed off and pulled up his pants.

The poor Senju still had blood on his face. Madara used his sleeve and tried to rub it off to the best of his ability. He couldn’t have Hashirama returning to Konoha with blood on his face, he would be asking for it from that blasted village. His rival looked up at him with soft eyes.

Madara missed when Hashirama wasn’t Hokage. When his rival was vulnerable enough to cry in front of him. When they were kids and they raced to the top of the very mountain that the Senju’s face was now sculpted on. Why was he always reminded of his success everywhere he went?

That’s why Madara craved power. Hashirama was better than him in every thing he did, effortlessly. He wanted to prove that he was stronger than the all powerful Hokage. He was just then reminded of why he was passing the village.

“Madara.” Hashirama called, taking the Uchiha by surprise.

“What?”

“Maybe it’s better if we don’t see each other,” he said, sighing. It pissed Madara off with how casual he was.

“ _What?_ ”

“I know you understand. That way, I don’t get in your way and you don’t become a threat to the village.”

Oh. So that’s what this was about.

“‘ _You don’t become a threat to the village?’_ Seriously, it hurts with how much confidence you said that.” Madara cackled, unable to stop. “You want to protect your dream so badly, don’t you, Hashirama? Always putting Hokage before your friend.”

“I didn’t mean it that way, and you know that.” Hashirama was getting dressed again. Madara turned to face him directly.

“You didn’t? Hmm.” He sneered. “Then you would know that you’re not getting in my way, you fool. You would know it’s the damn Hokage who is. There’s a difference, Hashirama. One was my _friend_ , the other is everybody’s friend. I don’t feel special anymore.”

“I never felt special around you, Madara. You’re too cold. Either you don’t realize or you don’t care, but it’s clear as day how I feel about you! You don’t try to understand me at all.” The Senju was making big gestures with his hands. “So please, don’t call me your friend.”

“Don’t you realize it’s harder for other people to get over losses? Not everyone can just bounce back like you.”

Hashirama grabbed Madara’s collar.

“I never got over the losses of Itama and Kawarama! I just don’t let it consume me like you do!” The Senju looked genuinely hurt but Madara couldn’t be bothered to care anymore.

“Is that another reason you think you’re better than me?” He felt his rival’s hands slide down in defeat. He went to pick up his haori and slid into it. His rival looked at him one more time. 

“Goodbye Madara.” He made his way back to Konoha, walking slowly. Madara wanted to stop Hashirama. He wanted to kiss him and tell him how he felt. That maybe he would be capable of loving him someday.

As Madara stared at his back, he realized that Hashirama was right about one thing. Now the blasted Senju couldn’t get in his way anymore. But he was also terribly wrong.

Madara would definitely become a threat to the village. Even as their clan leader, the rest of the Uchiha was comfortable in their Senju-washed homes. Comfortable under the influence of Hashirama. Not Madara though, he despised it. He grabbed a random rock and angrily tossed it into the river, watching it sink to the bottom.

He continued on his route to the borders of the land of fire. 

He was going to capture and tame Kyuubi with this “cursed” sharingan of his. 

He would be ready to kill Hashirama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh not really sure what i should say here. i am just here for the angst
> 
> tysm for reading this far! you’re the best ♥️


	5. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hashirama’s eyes widened. Something had clicked deep within him, as if his brain finally decided to give him the key._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hashirama’s POV

_Hashirama couldn’t believe his ears. It couldn’t be, there was no way that his brother had died. He just couldn’t believe it._

_His father was not one to make cruel jokes, on the contrary. He stared down harshly at the three sons he had left._

_Itama had broke down crying; he was too young to be able to handle the loss of his brother, Kawarama. Hashirama tried to comfort him the best that he could._

_“I... I don’t wanna die!” The youngest brother managed between sobs. Hashirama laid his hand on Itama’s back for reassurance._

_“You won’t.” His voice was a whisper. “I won’t let them.”_

_His brother had somewhat calmed down as the oldest Senju turned to face his father. He felt oddly courageous for whatever reason. Maybe it was his younger brother’s deep sorrow._

_“Father. Are we just going to keep dying on the battlefield? What is the point of this war?”_

_The look that his father returned him was cruel. “It is absolutely necessary. We need as many soldiers as we can get to fight against the Uchiha. That includes you and your brothers. Do not let Kawarama’s death be in vain.”_

_“But— We’re too young! There’s no place for children in this war, Father! Don’t you see?” The eldest Senju was about to continue but was interrupted._

_“Hashirama!” Tobirama yelled sternly. He was the only one out of the three that didn’t seem to be affected at all. The albino watched as their father walked up to Hashirama and struck him across the face with a hard slap. Itama had begun to cry again, silently this time. He backed away, fearing for himself as well._

_Hashirama winced and covered his cheek in pain._

_“Father...”_

_“I don’t want to hear any of your childish ideas! This is reality, and we will fight against the Uchiha— even if another of you three were to die. You are the oldest, so act like it. Do you understand?!” His father yelled, close to his face._

_“Yes, Father,” he responded glumly._

_They all watched as Kawarama’s casket was lowered into his grave. Hashirama couldn’t cry in front of his family, he had to be strong. But he definitely wanted to._

_He stared into the sunset, cursing the cruel world he had lived in._

Hashirama had spaced out while doing work again. The sun was setting already? The Hokage had wondered where his time went. 

Had the sunset reminded him of that day? He couldn’t tell. Hashirama hadn’t thought of his past memories in a while since he tried so hard to lock them away. Maybe today would be a great day to get off work early.

As he was walking home, a young girl took a flower from the stands and offered it to him. She smiled dearly, waiting for the Hokage to take it. 

“It’s for you, Lord First!” She seemed so sweet. It warmed Hashirama’s heart.

He accepted the flower and breathed in its scent. It was definitely freshly picked.

“Thank you.”

She bowed and slipped back to run the flower stand again. She looked like a Yamanaka. 

The Senju continued his walk, thinking about how progressive the times were now. The kids were able to run free and have their own trade instead of being forced into war. He smiled to himself.

“Itama, Kawarama. Don’t you see? The kids can play now,” he asked rhetorically. He sighed to himself as he twirled the flower between his fingers.

He was suddenly stopped by two ANBU, surprising the hell out of him. They kneeled on one knee in front of him, bowing their head.

“Oh! Hello,” Hashirama greeted politely.

“Lord first,” one of the ANBU spoke, awaiting his call.

“Go on,” 

The other one spoke this time. “We’ve received word from border patrol to alert you of Madara’s position. He was spotted controlling the nine-tails and using it for summoning. He’s been headed towards Konoha and will arrive in approximately two days. Sir?”

It took Hashirama a while to process. He couldn’t understand why Madara could be doing this... What need did he have for a Tailed beast? Was he to have it rampage in the Hidden Leaf and destroy everything? The Senju couldn’t go for that. He was the only one strong enough to fight Madara.

The ANBU had waited patiently in his presence.

“Don’t alert the public, I’ll deal with this. See that Tobirama fills my position as Hokage for a bit.”

The assassins looked at each other before coming to a silent agreement.

“Yes, Lord first.”

And as quickly as they came, they left, vanishing. It left Hashirama alone in his thoughts.

_“If we were to battle, I would not hold back, dear Senju. I would be prepared to kill you, and I hope you could match my energy.”_

_Hashirama remembered how the Uchiha’s fingers had curled into his wound, shooting piercing pain throughout his body._

_“I want to see you at your fullest.”_

Hashirama felt sick. 

Had Madara been thinking about the destruction of the village since that time? Why didn’t he kill him then? The Uchiha had the perfect chance to do so, but he chose not to.

He would have to sleep on it. Tomorrow, he would head out to find Madara before he got anywhere close to Konoha. He would protect them all with his life.

He laid in bed, not being able to sleep once again. He looked out his window and stared at the moon; a waning crescent. It was thin, but visible.

 _’Come on, Hashirama! Can’t you at least get some sleep before you battle with your life?’_ The Senju mentally scolded himself. He turned his body onto his side and continued to stare at the night sky.

Madara’s words echoed throughout his head:

_“Would you hold back? Could you be prepared to kill me?”_

Still, even before he was to possibly get killed by his friend, he didn’t know if he had it in him. He cared for Madara way too much. He was his friend, no matter how often he came to see him or not. The Senju didn’t know why it hurt so much. Why his heart longed for the Uchiha who stepped on it every time he visited.

He didn’t want to hurt Madara. He _couldn’t_ hurt Madara. But why? He cared deeply for his brother but if it was ever to come to it, he would be prepared. So why not Madara?

Hashirama’s eyes widened. Something had clicked deep within him, as if his brain finally decided to give him the key.

 _He loved Madara._ Hashirama was in love with Madara. He looked at his shaky hand before his eyes.

No. 

Not now. Not before Hashirama had to kill him. He couldn’t put one life over the entire village. He couldn’t choose Madara over Konoha. 

The Senju fell off his bed, not realizing how close he had been to the edge. He felt like crying, but he swore not to. Not after Itama’s death. He had to keep his head held high, otherwise who would ever take him seriously?

This was something Hashirama had to do. He had to protect the future generations of the Leaf. It was his duty as Hokage. He would show everyone how strong he was, whether he met his peace or not.

He made his way back to his bed, where he would fall asleep eventually.

_Hashirama sat by the river, crying his eyes out. He couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. He heard footsteps on water and quickly wiped his tears away._

_He looked up to see Madara. The Senju gave him a weary smile._

_“How’s it going?” he asked shakily._

_The Uchiha looked down at his friend, analyzing him. “What happened?” he asked, concerned._

_Hashirama looked down at the rocks below him, sniffing harshly._

_“I lost a family member, my brother Itama. He was the second one this week.” The Senju smiled through his pain. Madara crouched next to him._

_“You too, huh?” He sighed, looking off into the river. “There used to be five of us, including me. Now it’s just me and my younger brother Izuna.”_

_Hashirama admired how strong Madara looked in front of him. How it was easy to talk about the pain without crying. The Senju wiped his face once again, determined. He wouldn’t cry anymore, he wanted to be strong like him._

_“You have a younger brother too?” Hashirama asked, interested. Madara nodded. “My younger brother’s name is Tobirama. His strictness makes him a real pain, but that’s just how war made him.”_

_They looked out to the rushing water in front of them._

_“Hashirama?”_

_“Hmm?”_

_“If a ninja were to show another his guts, his pain inside, do you think they could learn to understand each other?”_

_That was a strange question Hashirama had never considered before. For some reason, it made sense to him._

_“Yeah, I do,” He looked at his friend. “If every shinobi showed each other his guts, do you think it could end the war? By everyone understanding one another?”_

_There was a slight laugh from the Uchiha. He closed his eyes._

_“I would like to think so,”_

Hashirama woke up the next morning, early at dawn. He didn’t dress himself in his robes like he usually would. He slipped in black under wear: a long sleeve shirt and pants. The Senju bandaged his shins and put on his armor. He picked up his headband from his dresser to stare at it. The leaf was proudly carved in the Hitai-ate.

He tied the cloth around his forehead, ready to go. Hashirama exited his house, jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

He would protect the village, but he would also protect Madara. He wanted to protect the younger Uchiha who had so much hope for this world, even if that meant killing the present Madara so he didn’t turn into a monster. He finally knew the answer to his question:

He would be ready to kill Madara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohh even i’m curious to se where this goes, hehhe! if i don’t upload tomorrow, i have no idea when i’ll be able to update chapters :’( However, i was really thankful for this four day weekend!
> 
> thank you so much for reading!


	6. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _He had sensed it early. He knew even with the alliance between the Uchiha and Senju, they still had lingering animosity towards each other. Hashirama’s dream meant well, but he had brought two enemy clans together without addressing the bad blood. Anyone who thought Konoha was peaceful would be living in a lie. It would drag the entirety of future generations into despair._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i make a typo, don’t be afraid to call me out on it! my eyes are terrible at catching them
> 
> Madara’s POV**

Madara was nearing the Hidden Leaf village. This time it wouldn’t be a simple visit, the Uchiha had made up his mind. He would destroy the cursed settlement.

He had sensed it early. He knew even with the alliance between the Uchiha and Senju, they still had lingering animosity towards each other. Hashirama’s dream meant well, but he had brought two enemy clans together without addressing the bad blood. Anyone who thought Konoha was peaceful would be living in a lie. It would drag the entirety of future generations into despair.

Madara and Hashirama were prime examples. They seemed to be friends but in reality they were each other’s worst enemy. The Senju thought he was protecting the children but truthfully, he was bathing them in lies. They would soon turn and discriminate against each other. It would be no different than before.

The Uchiha rode the Susano’o protected Nine-tails on his way to the village. Just as he expected, he had company. With great force, the Bijuu came to a halt and glared at the Shinobi before them. Madara had pride in his ultimate defense, there was no way Hashirama could break through it. He would end him here.

The Senju stayed still, his hands pushed together as he stared intensely at his enemy. The moon was completely dark, weak moonlight illuminating valley around them.

“Will you destroy everything we’ve worked to create until now?” he asked, too serious for the Hashirama that Madara knew. The Uchiha felt it. The Senju had came to the same conclusion as he had.

“Nothing good can come from this battle,” he continued, trying so hard to be convincing. Madara was already too far gone.

“You don’t know anything, Hashirama!” He was too naive to see past the present.

“I don’t want to kill you.”

Madara’s face twisted into a sneer. “Oh, how confident you are. You’re implying that you could so easily?”

“No!” He shouted. “We’re friends, Madara.”

The Uchiha didn’t want to listen to him anymore. Kyuubi started to move towards Hashirama with the intent to kill. 

“If that’s how it is, so be it,” he sighed, closing his eyes. Strange markings appeared on his face that exaggerated his features. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open. “Sage art! Veritable 1000 armed Kan’on!”

The Uchiha smirked. Of course his enemy would have something up his sleeve. He acknowledged that the Senju would not go down so easily.

Wood rose from the ground and wrapped around itself, forming what appeared to be a divine figure; hundreds of arms sprang from behind it.

Madara’s Susano’o hurled energy shurikens at the statue, aiming to cut down the wooden limbs. The figure’s arms stretched, defending Hashirama. 

The shurikens exploded, causing clouds of smoke to rise. Madara couldn’t see his opponent but he was sure he had got him. 

Unexpectedly, wooden arms pierced through the smog and made contact with Madara’s Susano’o. The attack was simultaneous, fists stripping away the armor that protected both the Uchiha and Kurama.

Madara was shocked— he didn’t think anyone could wear down his ultimate defense, but here he was. Hashirama just kept surprising him over and over again.

The wooden divine figure creaked as it stood up, towering before the Uchiha and beast. It closed its distance before detaching a part of itself that the Senju was on top of. The wood formed into a smaller Buddha, and it was coming straight for the defenseless beast.

Madara hopped off, abandoning Kyuubi for his own safety. It didn’t matter anyway, the tailed beasts only existed to serve as mere pawns to the Uchiha. He landed safely as the statue’s hand came into contact with Kurama’s forehead, preforming the 10th Edict of Enlightenment. The Bijuu was restrained and the genjutsu was released, causing the beast to fall asleep.

Madara gripped his weapon tightly as Hashirama jumped down from the statue to land right in front of him. The Senju’s hands wrapped around his sword hilt, grasping it gently. It seemed they were both low on chakra, but this battle was far from over.

Madara scanned Hashirama’s expression for any doubt but he failed to find any. His enemy was fully determined to kill him in the name of the village, foolishly. The Uchiha would make him come to his senses.

His enemy lurched forward.

“Madara!” he screamed, charging at him. 

“Come, Hashirama!” the Uchiha beckoned, dashing towards him as well.

The contact of their weapons made a loud clanging sound.

_Madara was taking a piss into the river below him when he felt his skin tingle. It was almost as if eyes were boring into his back. Immediately, his stream came to a quick stop as he turned around._

_“Wow, you really can’t, huh?” The pesky Senju had asked, staring directly at his penis. The Uchiha felt his ears burn as he turned red._

_“D-dont just stare!” he barked, turning to face the brat. “I’m going to throw you into the spot I pissed in, weirdo!”_

_Hashirama dodged skillfully, laughing hard._

_“H-hey! Don’t just whip it around!”_

_Madara had the devious idea to chase him. “Take this! It’s my special Water Style Justu!”_

_“Gross!” The Senju had stumbled and Madara hadn’t anticipated it. Forcefully, they crashed into each other before falling over the ledge, plunging into the river below._

_Finally reaching the surface, the young Uchiha gasped for air. Swimming to the riverbank, he found Hashirama already there, smiling at him._

_He was so contagious, Madara couldn’t help the smile that spread quickly across his face._

_To him, Hashirama was a divine gift from the gods._

They had been attacking each other for what felt like hours. Both men were completely drained of chakra and seemed to be running out of stamina as well. Armor had been stripped down and sliced into; Madara’s skin stinged with open wounds.

Hashirama sighed deeply. “I just wanted to protect this dream I came to realize.” He stared deeply into the water.

Madara smirked. “You looked depressed, Senju Hashirama. Perk up a little.”

His enemy made eye contact. “I still think protecting the village will lead to a better life for the people, shinobi, and children... I simply cannot forgive anyone who threatens such peace. Whether it be a friend, a sibling or my own child.”

The Uchiha stared coldly at the man before him.

“...You’ve changed, Hashirama. You’ve got your priorities backwards.”

He watched as the Senju gave him a questioning look. Madara hadn’t expected any more of him, he knew Hashirama was too full of himself to realize how different he was now.

The Shinobi stood on top of the very river they visited so often as kids. Madara sneered at his enemy and widened his stance. 

“This time, I’ll be the last one standing”

In an instant, the two men had switched positions, taking a mutual strike at another. For a moment, they both stood proudly at opposite ends of the water.

Hashirama slowly dropped to his knees and fell forward into the water. The Uchiha walked over to his enemy, smiling. He hadn’t missed his strike, but the Senju had. The blade gashed across the Shinobi’s abdomen. It was truly a shame to see the all-powerful go out like this.

Madara raised the scythe half of his weapon and was going to end him there but the sound of Hashirama’s voice had stopped him dead in his tracks.

“Madara, wait.”

The dark-haired raven couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t going to take pity on his enemy just because he pleaded for his life as a sorry attempt to save the village. He gripped tight on the hilt of his weapon.

“You can’t beg for your life now, Senju,” Madara’s voice was more snippy than he would have liked.

“I’m not,” the Senju rasped before coughing up blood. “Just listen. You can kill me after.”

Madara lowered the scythe, waiting not-so-patiently. 

“Proceed.”

“I’ll finally get to tell you... how I feel,” Madara’s eyes widened as the Senju took in a harsh breath. “Come closer.”

He looked skeptically at his enemy before squatting down in front of him. He still kept his grip tight on his weapon just in case the Senju tried to pull a fast one on him.

“It’s hard to say. I didn’t want to tell you like this.” Hashirama laughed sadly.

“Hurry up.” For what ever reason, the Uchiha was itching to kill him now. He was anticipating the words his enemy would say. He didn’t want to hear them.

“Madara... Yesterday I came to the realization that I love you...” A shaky hand reached out, trying to touch the Uchiha. “I wanted to protect the Madara I had gravitated towards. The one who made me want to be strong.” He coughed again, blood dispersing into the river.

He was lying. How dare Hashirama lie to his face? Was he that desperate to keep his life? The Uchiha could never understand his logic. Without hesitation, he pointed the hooked blade towards his enemy.

“Stop lying to me, Senju. I don’t find it amusing.”

Hashirama laughed lowly. His hand still remained reaching out for Madara. “Even now, you still don’t trust me. I’m a dead man. What could I gain from lying now?” The humor in the Senju’s voice irritated him.

The Uchiha lowered his blade. He wasn’t lying. Truthfully, he had also been too full of himself to see. Madara had it all wrong. He watched as his enemy’s head fell down into the water.

_His enemy? His rival? ...His friend._

Madara grabbed Hashirama’s hand and pulled the Senju out of the water. He held him up, staring into his friend’s motionless face. The Uchiha was panicking, he felt his breath begin to quicken and spin out of control.

“Hashirama!” 

He pulled off his shirt and ripped it desperately, wrapping it around Hashirama’s abdomen. He cursed himself for all the times he called medic nin weak and useless. The Uchiha reached for his wrist, where could barely feel the Senju’s pulse. He had no idea of what he should do.

Hashirama was the only person he had left. He was the only one that cared for the Uchiha when everyone had cast him aside. Why didn’t he realize earlier he had been doing the same to his friend? Madara shook the Senju’s body.

“Hashirama, wake up! Hurry so you can heal yourself,” he called but received no response.

He was hyperventilating; his lungs felt restricted, as if he was barely taking in any air. Madara just held Hashirama tight to his chest, nails digging into his body.

He looked at the new moon above him. There was no light from the sun to be reflected on it’s surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! the story’s not over yet!
> 
> see you next chapter.... nor not.. hehehhhhe


	7. 505

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i make a typo, you got me right? :’)
> 
> Hashirama’s POV**

When Hashirama opened his eyes, he could barely see and his mouth was bone dry. He blinked a couple times to clear his blurry vision a bit. The Senju laid on his back, halo of dark hair around him. Sitting up, he observed his surroundings.

He was... home? That was strange. The last time Hashirama was conscious, he was pretty sure Madara had killed him. The Uchiha had slashed deeply into his stomach. Quickly, he ripped away the bandages at his abdomen.

His torso had been artificially healed, soft wood cells substituting for human flesh— it was just like his left arm. The Senju must have unconsciously healed himself, but he wondered who had been taking care of him long enough for that to happen. Did Tobirama retrieve him from the valley?

His head throbbed with a stabbing pain. At least the Senju could confirm he wasn’t dead. Hashirama decided to lay back onto his bed; he was curious but not eager. He would have to wait until he felt better to seek out his answers.

A wave of embarrassment hit him.

 _’I had confessed my love to Madara! On top of that, he hadn’t even believed me... I thought I would be dead by now!’_ Hashirama’s hands tangled his hair in fists. He felt so frustrated. If he had known he wouldn’t die, he wouldn’t have told the Uchiha then.

Still, wondered what Madara had meant when he said he had changed. How was Hashirama protecting the village not a priority? 

Protecting the village... The village?

The village! Hashirama slid out of his bed and stared out the window. The village still existed! He felt relieved.

...Why wasn’t it in shambles? Madara had made it clear that his objective was to destroy Konoha. He didn’t understand. 

The door to his apartment opened, causing the Senju to jump slightly.

“Tobirama!” he shouted hoarsely, walking up to his brother. “Why did you save me? Now that I have to live up to my defeat, you’ve embarrassed me. Couldn’t you just have let me died a honorable shinobi?”

Tobirama stared at him blankly. He looked so strange to the elder brother without his armour or headgear on. Hashirama glared at him with his arms crossed, a small pout detectable on his face. 

“I didn’t bring you back to the village, Hashirama,” the albino huffed. “I came to see if you had possibly passed today but it seems like you’re perfectly fine.” Tobirama’s sense of humor was obviously broken.

Hashirama looked at his brother with an expression that screamed _you are going to suffer for that._ He had then processed what Tobirama had said a few beats too late.

“Then who brought me here?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Madara did.” The younger Senju rubbed his temples. “It surprised even me, how he brought you here manic and distressed. He wouldn’t leave your side for the first three days.”

Madara brought him here? Life was starting to make less and less sense by the minute. Hashirama felt as if he shouldn’t have woken up again. 

“Where is he now?”

“I couldn’t tell you. I wasn’t at ease with him in the proximity of the village— or near you. He was ordered to leave.”

Hashirama glared at his sibling. “Why would you do that? Now it will be even harder to find him!”

His brother stepped inches away from his face, intimidating red eyes piercing his soul.

“Have you forgotten who you appointed Hokage for the last two weeks while you were in a _comatose_ state? Or should I remind you that the Uchiha tried to destroy Konoha and almost killed you in the process?” 

With every step Hashirama took back, Tobirama took a step forward, maintaining the uncomfortable distance.

“All of this happened because you wouldn’t listen to me. Who told you to stay away from Madara? Who predicted that something like this would happen? Who said it, Hashirama? Who was it?!”

The older Senju’s back hit the wall as he turned his head away from his brother.

“Tobirama—“

“I could have lost you!” His voice broke slightly at the end. “You think I’m just nagging at you but that’s far from the truth. I’m just trying to keep the only one left of my family _alive._ ”

Hashirama’s eyes slowly met Tobirama’s. For a second they seemed to show his sadness before he went cold once again. The albino turned around to leave.

“I don’t think he could be far. I won’t stop you if you want to go, just come back.”

“Thank you, Tobirama...”

His brother didn’t respond; he walked out of the door, shutting it softly behind him.

The Senju’s legs gave out, sliding down the wall onto the floor. He was a terrible, selfish older brother. Tobirama didn’t deserve the mental torture. He played with his younger brother’s emotions every time he hurt himself by chasing Madara.

Love hurt a lot more than he thought it should.

Hashirama stood back up and got properly dressed. He muttered a silent apology to his brother as he exited the apartment. Choosing a route that had the lowest possibility of running into civilians, he left the village.

He came to the river and sat down. He might have not known where the Uchiha was but he could predict where he would be. The Senju lazily skipped rocks over the water’s surface tension.

He skipped another, and another... and another. Eventually, he lost track of time. The river reflected the colorful sunset and the sound of rushing water was calming to him. He could almost fall asleep like this.

Hashirama closed his eyes as he felt himself start to drift off.

“Hashirama?”

His eyes snapped open. That voice. That beloved voice. The Senju’s head whipped around to see his friend standing from the opposite side of the river. The Uchiha looked like he was wondering if Hashirama was real or not.

_Madara._

Hashirama stood up, almost staggering as he ran towards his old friend. He reached his hand out...

The Senju punched Madara heftily into his stomach with all the force he could muster. The Uchiha coughed and held his torso, unable to react.

“You fool! How dare you change your mind about killing me right before my death? If you’re not going to finish the job, don’t start it at all, dammit!” Hashirama slumped. “...I don’t know... I don’t know whether I should cry or be angry at you.”

Madara just kept staring wide-eyed at him. Hashirama wondered if he had something in his face.

“What?”

Madara fell weak from his laughter. He slowly dropped to his knees as he nearly cried by how hard he was laughing. The Senju felt embarrassed, he couldn’t tell what was so funny.

“Are you saying you would rather wanted me to kill you?” He was gasping for air. “You’re so stubborn, Hashirama!”

Hashirama felt his face burn.

“That’s not what I meant! What i really mean is..!” he paused for a second. “...What I really mean is that I’m glad to see you again.” 

The Senju smiled at the ground beneath him. “Even if you did try to kill me,” he added quickly.

“It takes two to tango, Senju.” Madara’s laugh had finally calmed down. “You scared me, truthfully. Don’t ever do that again.”

“Don’t try to kill me,” Hashirama muttered. The Uchiha simply just gave him a look.

“Sit down with me.”

The Senju did not hesitate to sit next to his friend. For a moment, they both looked into the red sunlight.

“Hashirama.”

The Senju hummed in response as he picked up a rock.

“I don’t know if I could ever love you back.”

That hurt a little, but it was understandable. Hashirama couldn’t imagine Madara loving him back either.

“That’s fine.”

That earned a look of distaste from his friend.

“Are you sure?”

“Not really,” The Senju sighed, truthfully. He rubbed the rock with his thumb, grazing small circles into it.

“I thought so.”

They sat in silence for a bit. Hashirama heard the Uchiha breathe in.

“But...” Madara stared at his hands. “I do know that I can’t lose you. I thought I had lost you when you told me we shouldn’t see each other, or when I almost killed you. I had realized then how broken I am without you, Hashirama.”

His friend’s hands clenched tightly into fists.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you,” Hashirama said while smiling into the sunset. “You cant protect a village if the people inside are already suffering; you’d just be saving an abomination. I ignored the signs in ignorance.”

The Uchiha stared at the Senju, dumbfounded.

“Speaking of that,” Hashirama continued, “I should really go back and let everyone know that I’m alive. You should come with me.”

Madara sucked his teeth. “The whole place is probably feening with the desire to kill me.”

“No one except for the higher-ups should know that you planned to attack the village, or why I was in critical condition. Of course, you’ll have to get right with them, but I think you’re fine.” Hashirama shuddered at the thought of his brother.

The Uchiha stared at him, skeptical of his words. Hashirama sighed deeply, standing up.

“Come on. Before I leave you,” The Senju said smugly, closing his eyes as if he was carefree.

He peeked a bit, looking to see if Madara was following him. To his surprise, he was right next to Hashirama, walking along.

Hashirama opened both of his eyes before smiling lovingly at Madara; and the Uchiha had smiled back.

Once again, they had shown each other their guts. Hashirama wondered if after such a display, one’s friendship could restart.

He wondered if it could be as pure as it had started, when they were kids with big hopes for the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor tobi :((( i’m glad the boys are back on the same page again, tho.
> 
> i think hashirama’s near death experience really changed the both of them for the better.
> 
> I’ve decided the next chapter will be the last, if i do continue to write their story it will be another work in this series! thank you for reading this far!
> 
> that being said, it’s probably gonna have the spicy in it


	8. Yin and Yang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Somehow, he was able to redeem himself from the darkness he previously wanted to pursue._
> 
> _Of course, it was not without the faith of Hashirama. He was the only one who continued to have hope for him all these years. He prevented the Uchiha’s demise in war, threatening no one was allowed to touch him. He showed his guts to him when they battled each other— even on the brink of death he still had hope for him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madara’s POV**

The Uchiha waited for his friend in the shower rooms. He already had a head start on him, soaking his body under the rushing water. Madara was confident no one else would interrupt him, given that he had left his Hokage hat out in the changing rooms. No man would dare to see his commander in chief naked. 

Finally, the Senju walked in, almost bashful. It wasn’t as if it was the first time Uchiha had seen him naked; Madara couldn’t understand why he would be embarrassed now of all times. He motioned his friend over.

Hashirama stepped under the water with him. He shrieked, stepping out immediately.

“Why is it scalding hot?!”

“It’s not even that hot.” Madara sighed, judging his over-dramatic friend. He pulled him back under the water, still holding tight as the Senju writhed under the water. The Uchiha’s eyebrows bunched together. “Must you overreact all the time?”

“I’m not trying to burn my skin off!” 

Madara released Hashirama’s wrist. “Then leave.” 

His friend’s face had dropped.

“No, no! I can get used to it,” the Senju said, changing his mind quickly.

“Are you done?” Madara asked, tired of Hashirama’s bullshit.

“Yes.”

“Good.” The Uchiha pinned the Senju against the cold shower tile, feeling over his strong body. His hands had stopped at his torso, rubbing sensual circles into the dark artificial skin.

It had been 4 years since that incident. He and Hashirama would return to the village, where the Senju would continue his term as Hokage for over three years. Tired of his position, he had stepped down.

It was almost expected that Tobirama would become the next leader of the village. But to everyone’s surprise, Hashirama had appointed Madara as his successor to the Feudal Lord of Fire. 

Of course, not all had been on board about this, but his friend had argued that Madara would be the best at fixing the situation of the Uchiha, as their clan leader. Since they owned the police force and were bearers of the sharingan, the rest of the village was wary of the clan. The problem had to be fixed before it became a bigger issue. 

So naturally, the feudal lord had agreed and declared Madara as the next Hokage. Today was his inauguration, he planned on taking a shower with Hashirama before going. That left them in the present, wet bodies pressed against each other as warm water poured down their skin. He applied pressure onto his thumbs, the gentle strokes becoming harsh. Hashirama gasped and the Uchiha savored it.

The Senju must have had his own plans too because he slowly lowered his body in front of Madara, running his hands down his hips. His friend looked up at him expectantly.

Madara narrowed his eyes, staring down. The rushing water had Hashirama’s usually pushed back hair falling before his face. The hot water was flushing his tan skin, turning it red in places. 

The Uchiha’s hand cradled his partner’s face while his thumb ran across his lips. The shower made the skin slippery.

“Why do you insist on doing this?” Madara asked, trying to understand. “I’d rather skip it.”

Hashirama removed his hands from Madara’s hips to rake his hair back, keeping it from blocking his vision. He leaned forward and kissed the divot of the Uchiha’s v-line.

Madara hated how seductive it was.

“Let me, this one time.” It sounded less like a suggestion than it should. The Senju’s hands creeped back up his thighs.

“Fine. But when I tell you to stop, you will stop.”

His friend hesitated, staring for a while longer. Then, as he grabbed around the base of Madara’s cock, he broadly licked a stripe of his length before taking what he could in his mouth. 

Madara cursed himself for the grunt that escaped from his lips. He had to admit, oral felt amazing— It was just the thought of it that disgusted him. None of that mattered as if now, though.

His hands found Hashirama’s face as he guided him further down. The Uchiha only stopped when his thighs were squeezed tightly, suggesting he shouldn’t take in any more.

As the Senju sucked, Madara fought the impulse to thrust deep into his mouth. The small bucks of his hips caused Hashirama to whine slightly. His tongue was warm and slick, driving Madara insane.

Brown hair strung back down gracefully in front of his partner’s face. The Uchiha used his hands to move it out of the way. The Senju was horrible at keeping eye contact but he still wanted to see his face anyway; he considered his soft yet strong features beautiful.

With a harsh tug at Hashirama’s hair, he pulled him off of his erection.

“Enough.” Madara seemed out of breath, panting slightly. “Stand up.”

Slow enough so he didn’t slip, Hashirama found his way into his feet again. The Uchiha placed a chaste kiss against the corner of the Senju’s lips, causing him to smile. 

Madara flipped his friend and pushed him against the tile, moving his long dark hair out of the way. He continued his kissing behind his ear, sucking slightly. The Uchiha left a trail of bites down the tendon of the Senju’s neck, lapping up the sensitive skin. He felt Hashirama tense slightly underneath him.

As he busied himself with his partner’s neck, he used his hand to stretch the Senju out. His fingers thrusted deeply and scissored, taking his time. Truthfully, Madara shouldn’t be wasting a second since he had no way of watching the clock.

The Uchiha stared at his back with old scars running down it, most likely a result from the war between their clans long ago. He noted the gashes of scar tissue on his sides. The small dark marks from sharp nails on his hips— that was Madara’s fault. 

He leaned over, just before his friend’s ear. “Do you think love is an emotion? Or is it just a strong obsession with someone else? A mere attachment.”

Hashirama’s head dropped and he took in a shaky breath. Madara’s fingers were still moving inside of him. 

“I... I don’t know..” The Senju answered between gasps, trying hard to concentrate on his words.

“Hm.”

He withdrew his fingers and felt the body beneath him relax. The Uchiha positioned himself and pushed in slowly, wrapping his arms around Hashirama’s waist. His chin still rested on his strong shoulder.

Sometimes Madara let Hashirama hear his voice; he would let out the sounds he often kept restrained while they had sex. Today, he wanted to be vulnerable. He wanted his friend to know how good he made him feel and how much he needed him. It was only a bonus that it turned the Senju on.

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could finally be Hashirama’s. 

Madara tried not to think as he focused on thrusting into his friend. The water made it difficult for a hold on Hashirama’s hips, as the Uchiha’s grip kept sliding. He laid his hands on top of the Senju’s instead, placed against the tile wall.

“Hashirama...”

The Uchiha felt close faster than usual, but right as he realized it he had came. Madara’s arms suddenly wrapped around his friend as he came inside, his forehead rested on Hashirama’s back and he stayed there idly until he no longer felt dizzy.

Realizing the Senju never came, his hand wrapped around the dripping heat and began jerking him off to completion. With a deep moan, he felt Hashirama tense up and shoot his load. Madara withdrew his hand and pulled out slowly.

He stared at his friend who was catching his breath. He wished he could see his face, but his hair was inconveniently in the way. Madara took this as an opportunity to finish washing up.

The rest of the shower was in silence.

༻✧༺

After the inauguration ceremony, Madara sat in his office trying to get used to it. He couldn’t believe he was the Hokage of Konoha, it all seemed unreal to him. Somehow, he was able to redeem himself from the darkness he previously wanted to pursue.

Of course, it was not without the faith of Hashirama. He was the only one who continued to have hope for him all these years. He prevented the Uchiha’s demise in war, threatening no one was allowed to touch him. The Senju showed his guts to him when they battled each other— even on the brink of death his friend still had hope for him.

That’s why he had asked Hashirama to attend the ceremony with him as his family. With all of his blood relatives gone, he was the only one left in his life he could hold on dearly to.

Was this love? Madara still wasn’t able to tell.

His thoughts were interrupted, sending him back to cruel reality.

“He’s in here,” a voice called out and he heard footsteps outside the door. The Uchiha straightened up, having a bad feeling arouse within him.

Suddenly, five shinobi had entered the room, one of them being Senju Tobirama. He noted the rest were ANBU.

“What’s going on?” Madara asked calmly, his eyes brimming with hatred as he stared at the Senju before him.

Tobirama stared back, matching his spite with equal energy. His arms were folded across his chest.

“The village knows you had planned the destruction of Konoha and the assassination of Lord First. The elders are not comfortable with you as Hokage and have deemed you a dangerous criminal,” Tobirama reported, closing his eyes. 

The Uchiha’s eyes narrowed. Damn those elders, bringing up things he had no intention of doing anymore. Why wait until after he swore into office? He figured it was because Hashirama was no longer Hokage.

“I do not wish to destroy the village.”

Tobirama shook his head. “We have no reason to believe you. The people are in uproar, Madara. You are a threat to Konoha and the shots have already been called.” The Senju uncrossed his arms and opened his eyes. “Under normal circumstances, you would be detained but that is impossible. You understand we must kill you.”

Madara smirked but did not say anything. None of these fools had anything on him, he could take them out in his sleep. But as he came to a realization, his smirk had faded.

_Hashirama._

This put the Uchiha in a serious predicament. Looking back at the shinobi, he couldn’t lay a finger on any of them without confirming their speculations. And he couldn’t just leave the village because he had promised Hashirama that he would stay; Madara didn’t want to hurt him anymore. Even if he did, he would be counted as a missing nin and hunted down before he could even have the chance to destroy Konoha. Not that he wanted to in the first place.

He closed his eyes, concentrating. The safest option for the village would be to surrender. Madara would have to die protecting Hashirama’s dream.

_’Forgive me, Hashirama.’_

He met Tobirama’s gaze, holding the intense eye contact.

“Fine by me.” he finally said, standing up from his seat and moving in front of his desk. Madara had to make this quick before he thought any more on this situation and started to have regrets.

Tobirama drew his sword and proceeded with caution. The ANBU watched intently, ready to be backup in case the Uchiha was bluffing.

“I cannot forgive anyone who’s a threat to this village, no matter your relations with Hashirama.” Tobirama reminded Madara of his brother from that day. Unlike Hashirama, he actually thought he would do more good for Konoha by killing him. Time could only tell, though; he hoped the Uchiha wouldn’t fall under his hands.

The Senju’s sword had plunged into his heart, going straight for the kill. 

Madara could finally make the right decision. He could finally honor himself one last time.

The doors flew open once again. Madara’s head turned slowly, trying to focus his blurring eyes on the figure.

_’Dammit.’_

Clearly Hashirama had came as soon as he heard about the uprising in the village. 

“Madara!” he screamed, dashing past the ANBU and pushing his brother aside. He gripped on the sword, ready to pull it out and heal the Uchiha as fast as he could before it was too late.

“Hashirama!” Tobirama called out sternly. He tried stopping the older Senju but was immediately tangled in his Wood Style.

“Not now, Tobirama,” Hashirama said coldly. Madara’s felt his vision blur again as the Senju’s hands gripped the sword again. 

“Hashirama... Don’t do it...” he managed.

His friend looked up at him, utterly distraught. It saddened the Uchiha by how frustrated he looked.

“Madara—“

Madara raised his hand slowly, bringing it it to cradle Hashirama’s cheek. He stroked it tenderly, looking the Senju directly in the eyes.

“Sharingan!”

_They were in a void space, surroundings blindingly white. The Senju stood before him, tears streaming down his face. It had been about two decades since the last time he saw his friend cry, there was a certain nostalgia to it._

_Madara closed the distance between them, staring into Hashirama’s teary eyes._

_“Forgive me, Hashirama. I hadn’t intended for it to end this way.”_

_His friend tried wiping the tears off of his face but they kept coming._

_“Madara,” he cried, “Madara, please don’t leave me.”_

_Madara stared at the Senju, expressionless. He couldn’t promise him that. He couldn’t promise him he’d be able to stay. The Uchiha’s hands tried wiping away Hashirama’s never ending tears._

_“We could meet again, Senju.” He leaned his forehead against his friend’s for a moment, enjoying his contact._

_He pulled away suddenly. “Seeking stability, one god was divided into yin and yang, these opposing two acting together obtain all things in creation...” Madara quoted once again, watching Hashirama’s eyes go wide._

_“Madara...”_

_The Uchiha’s hands ran through his partner’s hair to hold his head. He wanted his undivided attention._

_“Take my eyes, Hashirama. Take them and awaken the Rinnegan.”_

_“Rinnegan?”_

_“Yes. By combining the yin and yang, you’d be able to read the rest of the stone tablet. You’ll know what to do then.” His hands left the Senju’s hair, letting them fall to his side._

_“Madara... please don’t go.” He felt the Senju’s arms wrap around him. He couldn’t promise him that he’d be able to stay._

_He felt the genjustu become less and less stable._

_“Sorry, it seems as though my time is up.” the Uchiha hugged his partner back tightly. “I never got to tell you this... I can finally tell you how I feel as well.”_

_Hashirama’s head hit Madara’s shoulder as he sobbed into it._

_“Hashirama... I love you.”_

_“I love you too.”  
_

Madara Sharingan disabled as he coughed up blood. He looked at Hashirama’s crying face painted by the sunset and smiled. The genuine, heartwarming smile he often never wore.

“Goodbye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i lied :) this may not be the ending but it could be- either way thank you for reading!


	9. As the world caves in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The Senju stared at the blood on his hands before his gaze shifted to the bloody sword on the floor. His eyes squeezed shut and he took in a shaky breath._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omniscient POV**
> 
> sorry if there’s typos! i cannot recognize them for the life of me

“Hashirama!”

The Senju stared at the blood on his hands before his gaze shifted to the bloody sword on the floor. His eyes squeezed shut and he took in a shaky breath. Clasping his hands together, he put a wooden barrier between him and the ANBU.

He had panicked. Madara couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t lose his moon; he would be swallowed by darkness in the night. Hashirama placed his head on the Uchiha’s chest and sobbed. He was unable to keep his promise to his lover, he wouldn’t be able to do it.

Madara stared at the man who cried so heavily onto him. For a moment, he wondered why he was still alive. His vision dropped to where a gaping stab wound should be, but only saw artificial skin. He had told Hashirama to let go and he didn’t; now the situation would be more complex than he had thought it out to be.

“Why did you heal me?” Madara questioned, angrily. The Senju only held him tighter, unable to say anything at the moment. The Uchiha knew that if he ever saw his friend like this, he would never be able to die peacefully. The plan was to pass before any extra regrets had formed, but that wasn’t the case. 

“They’re not going to let us stay here long,” he reminded, trying to pry the clingy Wood Style user off of him. “Give me the sword, Senju.”

“Never!” Hashirama yelled through his tears, facing his companion. This shouldn’t have happened. He thought the incidents from four years ago would never be revealed to the public. It wouldn’t have, if Tobirama and the elders hadn’t conspired behind his back. He had never felt so betrayed in his life.

“Then get off so I can take it myself.” Madara demanded solemnly.

“No, Madara—“

“Why not?!” The Uchiha snapped, getting in Hashirama’s face. “You didn’t really forget what I tried to do, didn’t you? It’s only right for the sake of the village you try so hard to protect.”

“Because!” The Senju was not going to back down. “Ten years ago! Do you remember after Tobirama had killed Izuna, your brother?”

That had got Madara’s attention. He wasn’t expecting Hashirama to bring his younger brother up at this point and time. His eyes narrowed, but he continued to listen.

“I told you the Senju and Uchiha needed to stop fighting, as it would only bring further destruction and grief.” His crying had calmed down. “But you told me it was impossible because of the deep pain you still felt for Izuna. That our actions could only be made right with an eye for an eye, a deeper understanding. I could never kill Tobirama, so I offered myself. Do you remember why you stopped me?”

Madara couldn’t forget. Both sides were completely exhausted from fighting in the furious heat. Relief from the blazing rays only occurred when the occasional cloud covered the sun. The Uchiha had been brought down, and was about to be killed by Tobirama, but Hashirama had stopped his brother. He demanded they quit their fighting, and had even been committed to suicide to cease the never ending war. 

The Senju had a kunai pointed to his stomach, about to end his life with one vital puncture. That’s when Madara had interrupted him, not needing any more proof of his character.

“Because you had shown me your guts.” The Uchiha thought out loud.

“You’ve already redeemed yourself. You don’t need to do this.” Hashirama’s hands ran through Madara’s hair to hold his head tenderly. “I don’t have to lose you in order for the village’s sake, they need you... I need you.”

The Hokage stared at his friend before him. He didn’t want to see him cry anymore; it hurt too much. He grabbed the Senju’s hands tenderly and removed them from the sides of his head. Walking past him, he activated his Mangekyo sharingan, wheels of red angrily spinning. An early stage of Susano’o appeared, a single skeletal arm crushing the wooden wall.

As soon as the wood had collapsed, the ANBU were on complete defense. Tobirama had freed himself from Hashirama’s binding, ready to attack. The Uchiha stood before them with no intent on fighting.

“I would like to speak to the elders directly,” Madara stated calmly. The ANBU half drew their swords, on guard.

Tobirama sighed as he saw Hashirama step out from the broken barrier. The siblings stared intensely at each other, not wanting to break eye contact first. 

“Hashirama, why can’t you just listen to me? It’s simple task.”

“Well, you never mentioned anything like this. You knew I would never agree so you went behind my back,” the older Senju stated calmly. He looked at the ANBU and waved his hand in dismissal. “Disengage.”

They immediately kneeled on one leg, looking down. 

“Yes, Lord first.” The assassins collectively disappeared, vanishing into thin air.

Madara disarmed his Susano’o and the atmosphere around them had calmed down. Something was off. He couldn’t tell why there was a disturbance in his chakra, but he chose to ignore it. 

“Madara,” Hashirama called, to which the Uchiha has turned his head to. 

“What is it?”

“Go ahead, I’ll deal with my brother,” he sighed, closing his eyes. The crow understood immediately, nodding.

The elders’ council room was not far from the Hokage’s office in the building, and Madara was grateful for it. He pushed through the double doors, turning down the hallway. 

He took his time, gathering his thoughts. The only sound to be heard was his sandals stepping on the solid floor as he made his way to the council. He stood before entrance, hesitating slightly before walking in.

Immediately, the two retired Shinobi had turned to face him. They were both Senju, but that didn’t surprise the Hokage. No one expected an Uchiha to hold such an office, or even participate in government. 

Madara crossed his arms. “No conference before sending shinobi to my demise? I thought were more civil than that.” He stepped closer to the low table they sitting at, drinking tea.

“An immediate threat to the village should be treated as such,” Tesuna retorted, taking a sip of his beverage.

“I have no intention of destroying village.” Madara retracted his Sharingan.

“We cannot ignore the past, Lord second. Your intentions may still be the same, and we have reason to believe that,” Mitsuma argued. The Uchiha glared at him with hate in his eyes. He had never been on good terms with the elders, and that wasn’t going to change.

“If that’s the case, then I can’t ignore the coup d’tétat you tried staging. It’s more of an immediate issue than your concern for my office, which I’ve already been sworn into. If you were so worried about Konoha, you would have dealt with me when it actually happened.”

“That was only because—“ Mitsuma cut himself off.

“Because Hashirama was Hokage?” Madara interrogated, finishing his sentence. He crouched right in front of the coffee table. “The village is not longer in danger. You have only decided to say something now because an Uchiha is in office.”

Both elders held their tongues, not daring to spit out another word. The Uchiha stood up, looming over the sitting men.

“The best thing I can do for this village is to get rid of its biases. Try something like this again and you will be first.” He turned around, about to exit.

“Madara.”

His head turned slightly, indicating that he was listening.

“You still have yet to prove yourself, do not drive the village to destruction,” Tesuna reminded, sipping his tea once again. The Hokage nodded before stepping out.

Tesuna was absolutely right. Because of this ordeal, with reputation with the village was strained. He hoped that we would be able to get on good terms with the public once again. Planning to destroy Konoha wasn’t a good look for the Hokage.

To his surprise, Hashirama was waiting for him down the hallway. He felt so relieved being able to see his lover’s face in flesh and blood. Madara neared the Senju, walking straight into a punch to the stomach. He gagged and doubled over, looking up at Hashirama confused. Wasn’t he just about to die? He could never catch a break, it seemed.

“How dare you make such a decision like that?” Hashirama yelled angrily. The Uchiha prepared himself for another scolding. 

“Do you know how lost I would have been without you?” he asked, voice breaking down at the end. The Senju felt as if he was going to cry again.

“I’m sorry,” Madara apologized reluctantly. “It felt like the right thing to do.” He still thought things would be easier if he would have passed, but he wasn’t going to let Hashirama know that.

“It wasn’t,” Hashirama said stubbornly. “Because it’s you, Madara. When the world burns down, it’s only you that I can truly hold onto.” The Senju grabbed his companion’s hands and held them close to his chest.

“So please,” he pleaded, “Please don’t leave me like that.” He had so much anxiety from being separated from those he had loved. It had happened too much in his life for him to just stand idly by.

Madara looked at his lover, trying to understand what he was feeling. He concentrated on the tanned hands that stroked his softly. He was glad that he was able to experience his touch a while longer.

“I won’t. This time I promise.”

Hashirama smiled, unable to hold back the tear that fell down. He pressed his lips to the back of Madara’s hand before leaning in to kiss him on his cheek. He kissed his forehead and under his eye, missing his lips to plant one on the corner of his mouth. The Uchiha hugged him back, tightly.

Another day will go by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed! i couldn’t kill madara off so soon, i enjoy his character a lot ^^;
> 
> guess that marks two near death situations

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! if you have any feedback for me, it would mean a lot as a new writer!


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